winding whirlpools...

all i crave for right now....

2009-01-27T17:19:00.003+05:30

it is 5.20 pm right now and the day seems to have dragged her feet all over me... all i want to right now is pack my bags and come home...

i want to watch you as you sleep like a new born babe (baby)... long lashes still and fanning the dreams that keep your puppy brown eyes busy even as the rest of you lies peacefully in repose...

i want to hold in my hand your very own, the very same ones that make me feel warm on a cold winter evening, the ones that wipe away stray tears let lose by the one man i despise so mcuh, the ones that slap my back playfully in jest at a silly joke i managed to crack, the ones that feed me like a mother would in looking after her baby, the ones that caress my face tenderly when we are watching a movie and i shudder at some act of violence onscreen or am blissfully drifting into a dreamless sleep after a heavy meal...

i want you to wake up to me... smiling as our eyes meet, blushing as you pull me closer, tuck my hands between your and say 'i am so happy to see you...' that moment is a million smiles snuggled in one, a moment i crave for...

My Life's Mosaic

2009-01-06T18:48:00.001+05:30

Check this out :)

2008-12-30T13:34:00.003+05:30

wedding blues

2008-08-23T23:52:00.003+05:30

It is now official.... I am to be married off by my parents in early February 2009, to the man I love and yes he loves me back!

Why am I so blue then? I am sure you are wondering since those two words definitely do not sound good when placed beside each other! Let's recap.

It all began in class 10, when I was charmed by this dimpled, simple boy who kept to himself and let himself be bullied by one and all. He rocked the class when it came to Hindi lessons and otherwise lay back in the shadows. We were pretty close, since I was dating his friend then and also helped each other with subjects, languages the other had a problem with. Then school life came to an end and that was it, we each moved on and on our seperate paths.

Fast forward 2 years ago: life was ok, dragging along and very quiet, besides a dull and "kill me" job at MSN India (I still don't know why I took it up in the first place - I am thinking Harakiri!). Then someone tells me about Orkut and I join it to kill time and ofcourse meet people I already know and have lost touch with and maybe even meet and make some interesting new friends!

I think joining Orkut was fate completing the drawing of my life - since this is where he chanced upon me and sent me a scrap - 'Hey, do you remember me!' I replied back and with 3-4 scraps, I found out whom I was talking to. I would have been excited once upon a time to meet a long lost friend, but the new job at MSN, had dulled my happiness quotient!

I forgot to wish him on his birthday and I think he was upset about it, since he brought it up later on. We did meet up when a common friend suggested it and I'd decided after that, that I never wanted to see him ever again, since the shy, quiet guy I knew had turned into a major dude with an even major attitude problem (little did I know). Then, a week later it happened to be a common friends birthday and he told me that he'd pick me up and we could go to the party together. Poor thing I made him wait as I completed work and then at the party, it was pretty much everyone else on one side and the two of us on the other.

That day on, we were inseperable... we met literally every day for a week and by the end of that week, I knew there was something more to the whole situation than just reviving a lost friendship. I liked the chap, he'd taken of his full-on attitude mask and was so much more nicer, when he wasn't killing me for making him wait!

to be continued....

It's a wonder mum still loves me.....

2008-06-04T17:31:00.001+05:30

Things I've done growing up and still managed to be a mama's girl:

a) Run around with just a frock on my tiny body and no underwear - grand mum was scandalized even though I was just a brat with 4-5 teeth! She'd always tell mum that I would grow up to be like one of those skimpily clad models in Femina.

b) Picked up a muddy stray pup and its brothers and sisters in a shoe box I normally dragged my dolls around in and brought em home only to place them in a freshly cleaned sheet.

c) Dug holes all around the yard, in searching for the missing pair of the golden earing (as I called it) I'd found in School. Mum must have known I've absolute lack of space, mind and what ever else co-ordination!!!

d) Paraded around with sis in mum's finest of clothes pretending to be extremely tall models, trying very hard to balance on mum's stilletoes! And yes tearing the fabric that managed to get under those pointy shoes we were wobbling around on!

e) My constant bickering with a sibling 3 years younger than me. She btw thought she was the lord of it all and still does! I always wonder who's the older one.

f) Scared the wits out of my sister by telling her that there were monsters under the bed waiting to gobble her up, since she was forever climbing over a sleeping me to go to the bathroom or just go say 'hi' to mum and come back.

g) I used to go for Math tutions to a classmates house. To reach her house, we'd to walk on a really long and narrow cement wall surrounded by what I thought was really watery fields. I refused to walk on it and would sit down and drag my butt and legs along - took us 1/2 hour to cross it - Mum must have been mad since she had to carry my baby sis, and my heavy bag and wait as I proceeded at turtle pace.

h) Sis was all dressed up to be a tribal in a fancy dress competition. Only thing missing - she was very white and for some reason tribals are supposed to be black??? :O so mum goes around trying to find something that will help darken the skin... and here the budding artist namely me, fetches loads of black paint and begins painting my poor cherubic sisters face.... Mum certainly saw hell!

Loads of moments like this... will probably update it when more come to mind...

2008-05-28T17:01:00.009+05:30

2008-05-19T00:31:00.009+05:30

rant for the day...not!!!

2008-05-07T11:43:00.009+05:30

I stood there at the horrendously crowded signal on 100 ft Road, scared out of my wits that I'd be run over by a 'won't think twice before jumping signal' driver / rider. And there he was my pet peeve looking all the more hideous in a weird yellow and black contraption.... the very sight of him made my skin crawl.

I often wondered as to what about him made me turn into a conniving, theatrical, blubbering cartoon that's not being true to herself. I guess it was just the inane human need to have my needs fulfilled no matter what the medium or source. He crawled in slow motion upto where I stood and stopped with an indignant air about him. 'Where to Madam?' he half barks at me. I already know the answer to my retort that follows 'Kammanahalli!' I half whisper, not even making an attempt to make it sound like a request. I normally follow the name of my destination with an earnest sounding 'Bhaiya!' But today I wasn't in the mood to be nice. Expecting him to disappear with a shrug of his shoulders I turn the other way looking out for the next creepy crawly I could hitch a ride on. But, to my surprise, he persists 'Kammanahalli mein kidhar madam?' and like a robot I answer 'Nilgiris ke paas.' This time around he's quick on the draw and before I can turn away he brings down the meter with a swift move of his experienced hand and hints that I get in before the cop comes over and gives him a ticket. So I half throw my heavy laptop in, hoist my handbag and lunch bag in and hop in, still shaking from what had just occurred.

I've a record - I am sure an unbeaten one - of being rejected by 45 auto drivers in a row. I guess I've been rendered soul less by all the auto drivers I've encountered over the years. So much so I've assumed that all of them are straight from hell and none of them are humane. I now stand corrected! There are good souls such as this man who:

- ask you if the volume of the music that is being played is ok.
- apologise if the bumpy road makes you squirm as if it the auto that is at fault.
- tells you funny stories of his encounters with cops who refuse to get down from their vehicles.
- bares his soul to you because he feels you've eyes that reflect a caring soul.
- refuses to take extra money after having asked you for it, because you sounded worried when he coughed his lungs out.
- waited patiently even after you'd paid him and gotten down at a medical store to buy something because he knows you've to walk with all that luggage to your house which just might be some distance away.
- wakes up from his cozy afternoon nap to take you to the heart of the city, not complaining even as the drone of vehicles, summer heat and traffic jams get to you.
- smiles and says 'Your boyfriend looks like he loves you a lot' when the man dropped me off to an auto stand one morning.
- waits patiently as you pay your cellphone bill, is apprehended by a cop for parking under a 'no-parking' sign, is roasting in the heat of the unrelenting sun but still offers you a beatific smile when you reappear having battled a long queue to pay the overdue bill.
- offers to take you through a short cut not to make money on the sly but to help you avoid crowded lanes since you are a girl and need to be home before the unearthly hours descend.
- tell you to assure your mum (who's on the phone with you) that he will have you home in one piece.
- shows you pictures of his grand daughter minus her two front teeth offering that she was wearing something similar to what I had on that morning.
- calls you 'madam' even though you are almost half his age and continues to speak in perfect, unbroken English, of his transition from an engineer to a rickshaw driver so that he could serve people who depended on autos for transport daily.

I think of all this and yes I stand corrected again!

right now, I am trying to...

2008-05-03T21:54:00.007+05:30

*build a wall around my happiness- kahin nazar na lage.
*walking with a lime & chilli in hand! (ref. above).
*live life in a comic strip. i so envy CaLviN!
*look for that last drop of vodka in my long emptied glass.
*find out why men are so fixated on white skin?
*test and see 'kya mein paanchi pass se tez hoon?'
*how to get better at math(0.95-8912*3084=@$%*^*#$*@)
*get a permanent bubble hovering over my head reading ‘ ’.
*figure what to wear to my colleague's siblings wedding.
*convince self n everyone around that I'm an angel.
*write something interesting - make believe or otherwise.
*not go whack my sister across her fat head!
*hire ‘contract killers’ to kill non-confirming clients.
*organize my unorganizable, omni-present chaos.
*stop being addicted to addictive things.
*find questions to my answers.
*find answers to my questions.
*see why i am almost never on the right side of wrong.
*probably give another meaning to the middle finger.
*be a song that is hard for the world to memorize.
*convince well settled skeletons in my closet to leave.
*wonder why at times i feel invisible when talking to him.
*to lose my 'i like to pretend i don't have one' paunch.
*decide on a 30 diamond ring or a big fat solitaire.
*understand the hype behind IPL!
*figure why i've made such big career blunders.
*be funny without trying.
*give up KFC, subway, sprite, DBC, pepsi and all that jazz.
*figur why my father didn't let me follow his footsteps.
*dance lithely like ash did in 'barso re...'
*reason with unbelievable stupidity.
*multitask - proposal, math, emails, eat and yeah chat!
*fill the very unforgiving minute.
*understand why storm follows calm and not vice-versa???
*love the skin i am in.
*remember the lyrics of 'Follow me' by uncle cracker.
*decide whom to vote for this election.
*figure what the fuck 'Jumper' all about - stooopid.
*get past my AB Jr. obsession.
*pretend i've a hangover 'coz t's saturday night!!!
*figure out how to run away from it all and still be there.
*believe...

a precious few moments...

2008-05-01T21:11:00.003+05:30

1) We hadn't begun dating yet - probably had quite a bit of crush on each other but unwilling to accept it. Sis and him are as good friends as we are so she asks for the three of us to go on a lunch + movie date. Here we are in Rice Bowl, chattering away above the din of the restaurant, drinking beer, gulping food, talking about the movie we are going to and then suddenly it happened. I was holding his hand under the table trying to comfort or pacify him (cant remember the reason). We did not let go until it was time to pay the bill. It was at that moment I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him!

2) After a dogged day of working away on the IT Tool, calling clients, writing Ramayana and Mahabharatha for emails and making proposals, I've a dinner date with my best friend. She turns up half hour later - I've already begun tucking into my steamed momo's and coke (blech! but I was famished for Christ's sake). We polished a heavy hearty meal and then her little brat decides to go running through Yo-China! I look on helplessly unable to chase him with a full tummy. He dashes to the other end of the room, runs into a fake potted plant, almost uprooting it, turns around beams us a beatific smile and continues his train like charge around the room.

3) We are sitting at the theater watching a movie - not that it was gripping or anything. With nothing to focus my grey matter on read be distracted the AC vent seem to be turning me into a shivering blue mass! He's always so warm! So I inch closer to him, wishing he would radiate some warmth to this poor soul. He senses I am chattering, hands me his arm to use as a comfort blanket of sorts... never felt so warm and secure in my life.

Conversations that make me question my intelligence....

2008-04-29T17:57:00.005+05:30

AB: Hey did you check out my ex's pic on orkut
MM: That pic is in the diddu's send off album or another one?
AB: Hold on hold on.. you na
MM: Wait wait... i found it finally
AB: Atlast!
MM: :D Am slow, but I get there!
AB: Yea!
MM: Wipe that grin off your face! or I'll beat ya
AM: Mam yes mam
MM: Right cheeky little devil only you are!
MM: Yeah she's a P.Y.T ;) lucky you!
AM: hahahahah huhuhu hehehehe she is wat??
MM: You dont know? Gasp! Means - Pretty Young Thing... How ancient are you!

[Frosty silence]

MM: Hey if she's a PYT, that would make me a POT!!!!

Gulp! and then the gravity of what I said kicks in!

MM: Shucks that din't quite come out the way I wanted it to!
[Unable to save face, quick witty repartee eludes me, thankfully AB is busy telling me about his girl and so the conversation moves on]

Enchanting-Mudumalai (nope I Don't have a fixation for my company name ;) !)

2008-04-29T12:51:00.012+05:30

License to shoot....

2008-04-22T00:43:00.009+05:30

When "The Mensch" as I call her, told me that she wanted me to hunt him down and shoot him at sight without hesitation, I'd sweat beads on my forehead. No not because of the incessant power cuts or the unbearable heat that global warming was heaping on Bangalore, but just the idea of executing the plan she'd laid out for me.

It'd been a week since that fateful call was made. I was rubbing my hands and licking my parched lips in anticipation of drawing blood, of the fresh kill and the release I'd have as a result.

Polishing my assault weapon hadn't given me the immense pleasure that it was giving me now. I felt the smooth edges, the barrel was cold and minus a soul - perfect to serve the mission I was on. A flicker of doubt crossed my mind as I wondered whether I should catch him off guard or whether I should serve him his sentence and watch as my words had their effect and the words sank deep into his fearful eyes.

I eyed the room I was in, perhaps I should have opted for some sort of a camouflage? Naaaa... I'd some sort of fetish for instilling fear of the unknown in my victims mind. He or she would have no clue as to how this all would end up, I certainly did. I wanted them to remember every single detail, the ruthlessness in my eyes, the hard cold stare and a steely smile as I held my weapon and aimed it on his or her cranium.

"The Mensch's" words rang loud in my head, 'Show no mercy,' had been my strict dictum.

I was shaken out of my reverie by my chief informant. She'd spotted the victim and sped across the dully lit room to do what she did best, snitch on the unsuspecting. After all, it had been her masterplan to lure him into this well laid trap. She ached to get her hands on the victim but I forbade her as she was a rookie. I told her to sit back and watch as first blood was drawn.

I heard his unsuspecting footsteps up the abandoned stairway. The building had been evacuated for I did not believe in unnecessary panic. No one liked to witness a shoot for the fear of getting caught in it themselves. My reputation of shoot at sight and show no mercy had probably preceeded me here even. I shrugged my shoulders at the insolence of it all - I'd only my target in sight and nothing else in this world mattered now. I had to finish this one off and rightfully retain my place as the 'company's' chief marks man. No time for saving myself some grace on that sexist remark.

The door opened slowly - the creak was straight of an Alfred Hitchcock movie. The right foot appeared, then fawn coloured trousers, a white shirt and then a happy unsuspecting face. I drew my weapon and kept to the shadows as he went into the restroom to set his hair right. He liked making an impression - something I was aware of, having followed his every movement for the past few days.

As he walked out, I shadowed him to his seat. As he sat down, I motioned my informant to keep a straight face, wipe that silly grin she had on her face. He was about to open his diary to check his appointments for the day when I spun the chair around and got him to face me.

The shock registered, the look was that of a baffled man caught off guard, incoherent mumbling followed frantic limb movements to protect his being. I showed no mercy as I threw quickly threw a rope, then held in place by my assistant in a bid to bind his limbs to the chair. I minced no words in letting him know that I meant business and this was definitely IT!!!

He had no option but to pose for the company news letter in a decent fashion like we'd been requesting him to do for the past few weeks. Either this or we'd just publish his thrashing around photograph. He accepted defeat and made a twisted face at me, I shook my index finger at him, told him I'd all day and the patience required to get a decent mugshot. I'd the license to shoot and took my job very seriously as the official photographer of E-I and this one wasn't getting away easy!

a little more about me perhaps :)

2008-04-21T18:20:00.006+05:30

I am passionate about:My family - mum, him, cousins, uncles and aunts:), my friends, food, books, social causes, wildlife, my country, cricket, music and my job... my life revolves around them!

Songs I can listen over and over too:Lady - Modjo, Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie, When Love & Hate Collide - Def Leppard, Fields Of Gold - Sting, Coming Back To Life - Pink Floyd and All Good Things - Nelly Furtado.

Things I say often:Guess what? / yeah right! / what the f***? / I love you / What? / Are you kidding me? / Sorry???

Last Movie I Saw In A Theater:Race - Saif is an absolute dish Akshay needs baddie lessons, Bips needs to look beyond the bad moll roles, Katrina actually acted :O Anil wasted, dont get me started on Sameera!

What Book Am I Reading: Trying real hard to read Inheritance Of Loss, unable to finish more than half a page each week!

Favorite Board Game:Monopoly ;) na i love scrabble any day!

Favorite Magazine:Loads of them really - National Geographic, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Femina - ridiculous some of them i know :P laugh all you want.. gag even!

Favorite Smells:Johnson's baby powder, the wet earth, my man's deos/perfumes - what ever he wears :P heavenly.... coolwater :)

Favorite Sound:A baby laughin, babblingor even gurgling, amitabh bachchan's voice man baritone sexuality! my man's voice and his singing (how ever rare!)

Worst Feeling In The World:Being alone... I'd prolly die!

What Is The First Thing I Think Of When I Wake?mmmmmm... what time is it? do i have another 10 mins?

Favorite Fast Food Place::) anything mum makes and yes yes myweekly dose of KFC's Zinger Burger - yumm yumm!

Future Child’s Name::) already thought of 2 - one each for the unborn boy and girl. Mum has threatened me with dire consequences should anyone I know name their kids what I've thought of! she wants em to be unique :)

Finishing This Statement. “If I Had A Lot Of Money I’d…”:Ill skip the Miss Universe / Miss Earth / Miss 'Who gives a damn!' statements - secure my childrens future.

Do I Drive Fast?:I don’t drive - but love it when the person I am with burns the black tar off the road :D

Do I Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?: NOPE! love my space!

Storms - Cool Or Scary?:Love em coz they create an electric and romantic atmosphere - been watching too many films? Yes siree :P guilty as charged!

What Was My First Car?:The 'if I had a lot of money...' would come handy here as well i'm thinking.

Favorite Drink:Milk / tequila / vodka / strawberry twirl - in no particular order....

Finishing This Statement, “If I Had The Time I Would …..”:join a salsa class and workout in a Gym i am yet to join!

Do I Eat The Stems On Broccoli?:nopeeeeeeee

If I Could Dye My Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?: burgundy... where is that elusive dye... my hair is a stubborn black!

Names Of AllThe Different Cities/Towns I Have Lived In:Delhi, Bangalore, Bahrain.

Favorite Sports To Watch:Crickettttt! hate the IPL ones though...

What’s Under My Bed?: books, paintings (in boxes), my bunny slip ons ;)

Would I Like To Be Born As Myself Again?:definitely - i love being me :)

Morning Person Or Night Owl?:night owl totally... I am a morning person tooo.... but a complete wise owl (read ass) at night!

Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?:neither....

Favorite Place To Relax:My deewan by the long french window in the hall.

Favorite Pie:blueberry cheese :) mmmm calories i know ;)

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:good old pistacio....

horrorscope :)

2008-04-21T17:16:00.002+05:30

Some of my favourite people (in this world) and photographs in this tiny cosmos - in no particular order :)

2008-04-12T03:41:00.009+05:30

A long boring weekend....

2008-03-22T23:47:00.006+05:30

A long boring weekend it was, agonisingly painful. She was mopping around wondering what to do – had life lost its meaning, why did time just stop in her tracks and watch her with pitiful eyes – she pondered between bites of her sandwich. Not wanting to get out of bed, she picked up a book that she'd read a million times over, but read it again nevertheless because the plot was something she wanted her life to mould into.

She read through a couple of pages and then bookmarked it and kept it aside. Not wanting to move out of the comfort of the dim room, she lay in bed curled up with her thoughts. She let her eyes wander around the room that kept her secrets safe for a good 13 years and it was then that she spotted him – her dark and extremely bright constant companion.

She moved towards him in clandestine silence as she did not want him to know she was aware of his presence. He sat there peacefully thinking the torturous moments were finally over, but she apparently had different plans. A wicked glee dressed her face as she thought of her encounters with him. He had been shy and demure, she had to coax him to allow her to delve further; get to know him better. It was all part of the big game plan. She intended to take complete control of him. She sighed to herself, if only there was a decipherable manual, I'd have him eating out of my hands.

He'd been so accommodative at the start, helping her, guiding her, beaming at her, showing her the world. Then one day suddenly, the friendly vibes just stopped. Had she been too hard on him, expecting too much from him? Did she over tax him with late nights in bed? She couldn't keep her hands off him, he gave her so much pleasure – mental and physical stimulation. She felt alive when she had her fingers running on him, when she controlled him, when she had him at her feet; at her beck and call.

She saw a faint smile come over him as he thought about how the danger had passed. She was occupied with something and therefore he was of no interest at least for now. Too bad she muttered to herself, that wont last long. She ambled across the room and picked up a long length of wire and sneaked in behind him as he hummed softly. His eyes were closed, he was sleeping. She looked at him with a satisfied grin and said to herself, "He is exactly where I want him and in the state I want him – vulnerable!"

Before he could react she was on top of him, she removed the barriers that came between him and her. He blinked at her, taken by surprise, she smacked her lips and took out the wire from behind her back. She could feel him crawl under her grip. She'd decided she wouldn't show him any mercy. Singing a soulful goodbye note she poked the wire at his waist, he felt a jolt of electricity pass through him as she attached the wire to his side and hummed those magic words that would transport her into the virtual world of the internet. Her poor laptop knew his fate was sealed for a good 8 hours!

For a very special girl...

2008-03-22T23:47:00.005+05:30

I will miss the conversations...those friendly kicks...
I will miss the slow grumble...the morning madness...
I will miss the mood swings... the rush for exotic food...
the pampering...the care...the love...
I will miss the tiny clothes...the tiny shoes...the tiny blankets...the tiny sweaters...
I will miss the cuddling...the piggy back rides... the pigtails...the hockey bruises....
I will miss the 1st day at school...the 1st crush...the 1st break up...the 1st kiss...
I will miss the cooking classes...the make up lessons...the white lies...
I will miss the hushed secrets...the farewell tears...the first job...
I will miss the engagement...the courting...the wedding bells...

I hope to meet you in another world...another time...I am so sorry....

freedom's price

2008-03-07T17:10:00.002+05:30

song of a desperate quest
Played in the middle of
Sky and city
Her only comfort this night.

A cry of rebellion, the song
Wiped out the sights of her life
Chords swept with over flowing
Colours of grey and rebellion
Battered against a deaf wall,
An indifference that soundproofed
The rest of the world for her.

The last chords of victory bounced off
The walls letting out a silent hum
Into the stillness of the ash night.

His ambitious audacity to
Drive the sun across the sky
Perished in the myth of
A man trying to conquer the sun.

flame and the wind....

2008-03-07T17:10:00.001+05:30

Red hot and
Fiercely independent
He's his own master
Till she comes along.

Her gentle caress and
He dances about
Reaches out to her,
Lest subdued in rejection.

Destruction can become her
His end she can bring,
Yet they flirt hopelessly
The flame and the wind!

but a memory...

2008-03-03T23:32:00.002+05:30

Abandoned by his caresses,
My world lies stagnant,
A mute spectator to a relentless heart.

Stifled like a gold fish
In a crystal clear bowl,
I yearn to reach out to
The love, the beauty outside,
That has left me orphaned-
Of his name.

The wind is but a memory
Of a million songs.
A reminder of
Flowers being seduced
By the passion of callous winds.
They elope with the fertility,
The fragrance and the youth
Of a flower in full bloom
Into a black hole of no return.

He stole my freedom!
The words remain suspended
In caged still air.
I haven't moved in
The prison of abandoned loss.

Empty songs rattle against the walls
Of an echoing, imprisoned mind.
Motionless, I long to escape from me,
A feather adrift, directionless,
In an equally clueless breeze?

Consumation....

2008-03-03T23:32:00.001+05:30

Happily unaware
Of a brewing tempest
Deep inside,
Our patrons,
Went about their lives.

As she lead a quiet, resolute
And guarded struggle even as,
Bitter waves of loneliness
Wore into her face.
Covering their tracks
With a strong determination,
She held her own against them
In the muffled cries of her sleep.

In the suddenness of his
Calm and collected world,
The whirling wheels of time
Had stunned him into
Awaiting no one!
It would have been with him
As it has and was with many, only,
He held his fort against it.

The slight devices with which
They cheated themselves into
Happiness! Fake happiness!
Were weights that held fast
Barriers to the fortress
They'd clammed themselves up in.

An unfathomed depth
Sought the arrival of
A fulfilling force.

A chanced meeting!
The weights they'd introduced gave away…
Finally, under the wrath of the
Restricted waves of passion.

They found each other
In the dead of the night…
Circling, hand in hand…
Whispering as they circled
Around the shriveled tree of liberty.

They met across the distances!
No pause, no pity,
No intervals of relenting rest
No measurement of time
As dawn glided into the night.

They'd come together,
To a spurt of white light,
After a long lonely spurring
Over roads untamed and not walked upon.

Looking at one another
They obtained no hearing…
They were to establish an order,
Reinforce natures appointment of things.

They came together
In the hour of the darkness.
A cluster of huddled shadows.
These movements captured
By a flickering candle
Across the length of a
Pure wall in unsullied white.

The silence, the tranquility
The harmony of the moment,
All playing god in this union of souls.

They passed on once more
Into untold happiness
Juggling between the untimed swings.
The shift between all that
Was cold and raging hot
Amongst impoverished fields
That hadn't yielded any fruit
For the past year.

This intensified by the
Blackened remains
Of dreams , of homes
They'd built with someone else.
Sharp reining up across the months…
A patrol watch on all incoming roads
For possible diversions in all forms.

This not only stopped them in running away
But threw them both directly in the path of the other.

Faces hardened in the
Furnaces of distant suffering
Until the touch of pity
Could no longer leave a mark.

Lumbering wheels,
Dropped her insensible
Into his arms.

He turned her beautiful face to him
Away from the crowd, hidden from time.
So his tears and her lips
May come together
Unseen, unknown.

The quiet of their souls
Brought them together…
Long…undisturbed…
Their shaking forms
Had long yielded to the
Calm that must follow all storms.

Turbulently swaying shapes,
Finally at peace with one another,
Huddled content shadows…
He held her to his heart.

He lay there as
Shadows of the leaves outside
Courted his long chiseled face,
As softly as
Her lips had moved in praying for him.

A blank silence prevailed…..

A year of tempest finally consumed!!!

A quiet afternoon....

2007-07-05T17:38:00.000+05:30

The day started out pretty late...Last night i was up working on a content project that my boss had given me - rewriting the hotel descriptions for the 331 hotels that we work with in our day to day work life! tough job i'm telling you. every hotel name search pulls up some 10k + results and im guaranteeing you atleast 90% of them say the same god dammned thing! now what is some one who hasn't lived in more than 20 hotels in her entire life, like me, to do! pictures can be deceiving and obviously the hotels are gonna gloat about themselves to sell their rooms to unwitting travellers - especially the 'phirangs' (how i hate that word!) Anyways coming back to the point.... i am supposed to be attending a dance class for the past 4 days - haven't been able to make it as for the 1st two days of the week i'd a sprained neck (dont even venture into asking how? when? and why?). Yesterday i wanted it to heal and dint want to risk another sprain! Today... i was plain lazy! talk about wanting to burn some major calories while sitting on my butt! no motivation at all! nah dont want to fit into those size '0' dresses anymore... im too old for that (not about to reveal my age here)

U.G.L.Y is a bad word my friend!

2007-07-04T22:03:00.001+05:30

Unkowingly she stepped into an unaccepting world
Glad I'm she was ignorant, or innocence would be shattered
Life seemed to be smiling on her, or so she thought...
'You are the best' she assured herself, when they smirked!

Unwittingly she stepped on wrong shoes,
Good friends were nonexistent, enemies everywhere...
Lucky she had the IQ of Einstein, street smart even...
'You are not alone' she best assured herself!

Unassuming, she went about her job, earned brickbats...
Glaring eyes gave her half hearted accolades...
Loosening up, He told her; she was the best he'd had
'You rock girl!' she smiled to herself!

Unhindered by what people thought of her,
Goggle eyed, wriggly haired, vertically challenged...
Lop sided smile, shiny teeth, dimples set in her cheeks,
'You are beautiful!' she told herself!

forgiveness

2007-03-10T10:43:00.000+05:30

There was a guy, happy go lucky... leading his own life.. a freebird...with his family, his friends, his work, his flirtatious encounters, his ciggies and his parties. All was going fine, when one day he chanced upon this creature from his past. They were friends and he was delighted to have found her and she him. Persistent persual of the creature led to their meeting. Sparks flew and a good platonic friendship blossomed. Things were fine even then. The creature and he shared a weird bond. They would bicker incessantly, but deep down inside there was something the two of them were unaware of. Gentle persuasion and insistence of what was happening from close friends, led them towards enlightenment regarding their feelings for each other. He was mum about it, while she was vociferous. Toying around with her, she later got to know. All was fine again. But then the evil creature began to show her true colours. She made her prince charming wait endlessly around the lanes for her to show up, being the darling that he was he would let it go because he couldn't see her hurt. Am guessing she took it too far, when she even began making him wait for her calls, 10 minutes turned into hours... she left him waiting when he should have been sleeping. She couldn't make excuses, he told her once only losers made them.... She would start out to say something, an inborn defense mechanism springing out, but quickly mute her big mouth for the fear of having to invoke further brunt. She knew she was wrong.One day the dam burst, the creature dint call him back and he was hanging by the last thread of patience that he had left in his kindred soul. An inkling of impending gloom hit her hard. She spent the day trying to write a letter to him. Tough she found, talking to him... she was scared? She was worried? She dint know. Shewas mute! She dint go beyond two words "I ... am" words choked on the keyboard as tears welled in her eyes. She had hurt him and her soul was crying! Forgive me she pleaded with god. Hoped against hope he would echo it to his favourite child. And she waits there... tears on the edge of her eyes... fingers crossed.... A prayer on her lips... that he would forgive her... would he?

Released!

2006-12-21T16:42:00.000+05:30

Once, hard and very much alive
Now sore and crucified…

No longer buzzing like a beehive
In work his hunger is belied…

He seeks a soothing caress
For his stiffened lament…

Seeking an beyond ordinary transgress
Into his world of passion long unspent…

She sashayed into his peaceful world
Captured by the swirl of a powerful trance…

Pent up emotions teasingly unfurled
Eyes bewildered, misted and askance…

Moving in an unspoken unison
Aiming to do break the barriers implausible…

Seeking freedom from the cold floors of prison
No stone unturned amongst cries inaudible…

Moonbeams bathe the silent courtyard
As towards him she moves in a flurry of skirts…

Pitter-patter of silent dreams in the brickyard
Innocence of their cause, their shy smiles reassert…

Courted by the gentle breeze and playful shadows
They smile their way through the initial awkwardness…

Slowly unfold the layers of night’s trousseau
Even as she smiles at the filling up of her voidness…

Time stands still in her long winding tracks
Hypnotized, captured by a winding whirlpool…

Raging fire lured and hardened by walls of wax
Emotions wound slowly around a familiar spool...

They don’t show any interest in capturing time
As she stands beside the window,
Consumed by the calm of the storm.

Tranquility plays her golden harp
A soft note of eternal peace emanates…
And liquid music flows, unchecked…

Released by their earthly bonds
Their spirits stroll into the night…
A bejeweled sky bends her back
Eavesdrops on their conversation
Smothered by the soft kisses of laughter.

Bitter Sweet...

2006-12-21T16:02:00.000+05:30

I lean upon my long lost friend
To scour the long left rooms
Of bitter sweet memories.

Two complete strangers
A play of fate, a play of words
Rushing smear of words,
A battle of wits.

Shocking intimacy
Ruthless reality
Reason for togetherness,
Reason for separation?

Steps roll into a distant past,
Creativity, whip lash wits,
Eros and a splash of colours.
Delusional thoughts strung incoherently,
Suggestive with a bright aura
Substituting images with words.

The animate and the inanimate,
Worlds in their own,
Separate dreams of him and me.

Deliverance

2006-12-21T16:00:00.000+05:30

A rushing smear of noise,
Darkness descends
With her orchestra of stars
Leaping out of placid smoothness
Looking as delicate as french lace
And every bit seductive as red.

An arrogant pleasure rakes her body
As she meanders through a sleeping kingdom.
Unperturbed, souls lie asleep in a cradle of dreams.
Abandoned by reality, they surrender
To the velvet blanket she brings along,
Slave to the basic instinct of sleep
They give into her charm and
Drown in the pull of a different world.

She, the high priestess, invokes deep slumber
Captures their deepest desires
Transforms them into dreams
Shocking intimacy?

She smiles mirthlessly,
Arms spread out, as if to show
That this is what she predicted.
She bursts out laughing,
With the abruptness of a cry.
She laughs, shaking like a child
The stars stand, mute spectators
To her sobs of deliverance.

Intimate crimes...

2006-12-21T15:59:00.000+05:30

All hearts suffer intimate crimes,

Innumerable mazes, innumerable doors,

Suppressed reality and thoughts,

Pent up emotions,

All - contents of a ticking time bomb.

The wrath, the anger

Go unseen.

Wonderfully masked by the make up of a smile.

Plotting a crime,

Dreams of it,

Wakes up to the screams of bloody murder!!!

Stripped reality

2006-12-21T15:56:00.000+05:30

Not much remains
In my mind
Of twenty four years.

Only disconnected bits
Held together by the
Single glue called memory.

Loose faces of men
Who fought to hide
From themselves
The fact that they knew
The answers to my questions.

They seemed to be
Conspirators in my doom
To being a recluse,
Days without purpose
And nights of loneliness.
And this inspite of
Living in a million dollar
Atrocity called home.

Malevolent voices,
Wicked and chuckling,
A melange of foul odors,
All surround me.

Whipped by the wind
And lashed by the rain
My face remains stripped
Of everything except
Glistening brown eyes.

Vogue cut out!!

2006-12-21T15:54:00.000+05:30

Melting darkness
Melange of sweet smells,
He stood across my french window
My vogue cut out.

Glistening eyes,
The body of a Greek god,
A shirtless vision,
A feast to my eyes!

We spoke unmolested,
In word ridden glances,
Captured, swallowed, digested!

They were, buried in a time capsule.
Glimpses of coveted life,
Flashed for my benefit...

I gaped even as he looked up,
No acknowledgement,
He stared back unabashedly
Spiralled my senses...

The charm dissolved apace...
I was no longer intrigued!!!

A startled stop

2006-12-21T15:49:00.000+05:30

Threatened in some nameless manner

Alone in the ruins of a building,

Doomed to a life of self - indulgence,

He hides behind a closed door.

An odd sense of distance,

An act of annihilation,

A wish to negate existence?

I am reminded of a one way glass-

They let light rays in

None escape though-

Belligerent defensiveness?

There is something impersonal,

Something in him I cannot reach.

Happiness seems to stare back at him

With unmasked distaste.

He wears a look of drained passivity.

No look of mockery or amusement.

It's as if he doesn't belong in these moments.

A haze that could rip apart

At any moment, to some shape of disaster,

Seems to be his only solace.

Probably doomed to a life of self - indulgence,

He's a startled stop between spirit and body.

2006-12-21T15:04:00.000+05:30

Childish vulnerable dimples
Adorn a dusky elusiveness
Of a face, many a poet couldn't capture.
Heart breaking beauty she possess
From that slender neck
Down to her tiny ankles.
Delicate fingers weave
Artistic patterns.
An art to enchant
She holds in the dark curls
That curtain her translucent beauty.
As the morning steals upon the night
A smile serenades her face.
A predatory glimmer covers
The depths of her demure
Brown eyes as she scans
The crowd for his approaching face.

Forgive me !

2006-12-18T17:20:00.000+05:30

Maybe it is not worth saying it again...
I know I have hurt you, seems like I
Dont care…
so this is to
undo wrongs
To let you know that theres nothing I
really care for, nothing I really want...
except for you, your love & your heart
I have been
hardened...
over da yrs
rough times
all leave me
selectively -
amnesiac...
of wonders
dat love may
hold for us....

Quiet! I choke
On karma, right now...
heard in your
familiar voice my
own stale tears, my
very own forgotten--
pain, many years in.......
hard won recovery.....
I know I'm a choice.....
made real lucky by
sheer good providence
cn i interest u in a chance
for me, me again?

You called me into your life
we began to share a feeling...
a bond that stays gud & true.
we do continue to still -
care in spite of all these-
issues - that have crept...
battles we have fought..
having suffered through all
these... mistakes I do
manage to make all da
time .... mindlessly still
U know I love you a lot..
But still manage to hurt..
you...i... am really sorry!!!

loved
you & still do.....
the memory of that -
lovely.... evening
we were so close, the
sky ws lukin down at us
together,
we were
about to
step into
a lovely -
life ahead
we didn't-
stop to...... wonder if it would
remain all goody goody, nice &
sweet, but it did and i love
every bit of it. It remains
justified... that we are
together not by force
but loads of solitary loyalty
plenty of hope and luv
i feel nothin bt u!

I know that I have put you thru
some real tough times since we
have been together. I know!!!!!
you have
fought....
to stifle
anger.....
fought --
a silence.
being a -
little.......
bitter evn
I have left you hurting and furious
it didn't come from ego or a anythin
else trust me, I've luck against me..

first time it is not i
know and you have
been nuthin bt nice to
me. I vow to be more-
cued into you your needs
listen to stuff unheard by
me & unsaid by you so-
far. please! I ask of u..
forgive me a li'll naive
I've heard your voice
since day one...been
lost in a trance.....
hold me close i
do love you
i do!

I have been true to you, believe me
I've put you through a lot of pain....
Believe me when i say I'v suffered..
your pain
with you,
I know....
dsnt seem
That way!
I would never hurt
u on purpose, for I
have my
very own
selfish.....
reasons
again eh?
It is different trust me, coz i would be
be hurting my own heart, that which u
have given me. I'm holding it close 2 me

2006-12-18T15:02:00.000+05:30

beautiful disaster
unfolding slowly...

is no master
but queen of folly!

unravelling emotions
sentiments anew...

dispelled notions
rolling in new hues!

needing some time
abundant forgiveness...

happiness- a pinch of lime
mistakes need seiving!

take the promises
hold them close!

Holding me in a trance....

2006-12-16T16:22:00.000+05:30

What do i feel? elation, happiness, an anusual calm?
It is a trance I feel myself staring into, eyelashes not batting!
I cannot break away from it... I don't want to...
Warm hands hold me back in an enveloping embrace
Soft brown eyes speak volumes of a different world.
Mystified I am... though for many the outside world
Would hold a far greater appeal, I would beg to differ...
A soft reassuring voice, broad dependable shoulders...
An unending melody that lulls me into comfortable sleep....
Saves me from the madness that is this world
Brings some amount of sanity to this wandering soul...
Keeps me rooted... the love grows...
I am in a trance, I'v no plans of escaping from!

2006-11-03T13:47:00.000+05:30

Before someone comments about it, yes, I do realize that men get raped too. However, men haven't always been told that they could've prevented it if they'd just done/not done x.A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.instead of that bullshit, how about this :

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.

if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.

if a woman is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.

if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.

if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.

if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.

if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.

if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.

if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.

if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.

if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.

if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.

if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.

if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.

if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.

if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.

if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done fill-in-the-blank.don't imply that it's in any way her fault.

don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.

don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over, or responsibility for, your actions.

Liquid Music

2006-11-03T13:12:00.000+05:30

I wrote this poem eons ago ..... left it amongst my many files to gather cobwebs.... until one day...someone encouraged me to bring em all up to see the face of the sun.....

Yellow light filters through
The tiny pores of a netted window
As I sit behind this
Mask of dotted happiness.

A mute witness,I watch,
eyelids not batting,
As rain paints her freshness
On every inch of canvas
That she can manage to find.

A restless warrior once,
I’m dumbfounded
At my calm surrender
To the liquid music overhead.

I lay down my defenses
As happiness makes his way
Across the empty room.
Our pulses beat in unison
And in tune with the
Foot tapping number
Playing outside.

We bow to a thunderous applause
And exchange knowing smiles.
He sticks his tongue out at me,
As I beckon him
To follow me into my dreams.

2006-08-16T12:13:00.000+05:30

hanging on to that thin thread of sanity ...

i cling on for dear life...

coz i know i might just lose myself...

in those melting pools of love...

arms reach out in belonging...

eyes shy away demurely...

my lips quiver in anticipation;

as i tread never before grounds...

i love you with all my heart...

be there when i cut off that thin thread...

falling free in complete trust....

2006-08-16T10:22:00.000+05:30

The world whispers in silence
As I take his hand in mine…
It’s a beautiful Monday evening
And the moon is shining bright.

I see a painted landscape
People missing ambiguously-
A reflection of our lives?

A mist surrounds us,
A comfort blanket protects us,
We are unsure of several things,
Besides the love we strongly feel.

lets call it a day!!!

2006-07-07T15:41:00.000+05:30

Having munched on delicious home made channa batura, i was tempted into going out with my three colleagues to Cafe Coffee Day. For the sake of a cup .... what was that again? something was lost.... not that i regret going, I picked me up a beautiful shade of lipstick, took a nice walk in the sun and giggled away at a handsome college going greek god! why do they have to be so young!

But....my tummy and hand never lost contact. Not because of some food choice gone wrong, but because the atmosphere that was tummy-ache humorous. Quite a lot, the four of us- a quite shy girl, a girl who alternates between being a mute spectator and a giggling referee, a talkative brat and a nut who always finds himself at the receiving end. Trust me it is amusing!

He can be quite a spend thrift, which man isn't when surrounded by a bevy of beauties, but i guess we torment him into leaving his chivalry at home. the quiet girl and i sat back and laughed our hearts out at the drama unfolding in front of us, over hot parathas and later cappucinos.

Sizzling hot chocolate, poured around a brownie and topped by a dollop of delicious vanilla ice cream arrives for the boy and we all battled over who gets the best of it all. ridiculous comments in languages alternatively incoherent to us all richoteted off the feast in front of us. that did not deter anyone... amongst stolen glances at the on going match, a gaping look at the owner of one of the popular thai restaurants here, a fight over the bill and we were off on our way, packed into a rick. I swear to god the auto driver would have rubbed his hands in glee at the cha-ching of the green registers! all' s well that ends well. Iv a fancy for the new levis showroom on the main road perpendicular to where my office is....its a well done building- honest! besides, there is an amazing 50% off sale happening :)

Ciao for now!

.... its a breeze

2006-07-04T15:20:00.000+05:30

life is such a breeze these days, i live outside the norms i set for me. what have i turned into? a greeedy monster- maybe....i often see a green eye staring right back at me, while i dress up each day before heading for work. maybe my conscience is jealous of the way Iv turned out.... ironically some part of me aches to go back to an innocence i courted... it was a short and sweet but iv fond memories.

Megh Is...

2006-04-05T11:16:00.000+05:30

Meghna Is...

2006-03-17T11:36:00.000+05:30

"This is major feeding of the ego or living anothers life... but a lot of fun... wanna do the same?

go to google.co.in and type in "(your name) is " and hit on search.. be shocked ,

be scandalized...ummm be flattered... be happy? ;)

1. Meghna is a terrorist....

2.Meghna is one of the four topics of Japan Bangladesh Joint Study Project...

3. The mighty Meghna is continuously hitting the dam on about 2 kilometre area ...

4.Meghna is a member of a Muslim terrorist group...

5.Meghna is an academically oriented individual ....

6.Meghna is flamboyant and the queen of body language...

7.Meghna is the timeless river of Bangladesh....

8.Meghna is on the board of DOXA, Vancouver's documentary festival...

9.Meghna is just too cute to describe.. just as cute as a Barbie doll....

( will pass the barbie bit on )

10.Meghna is a very happy-go-lucky girl...

11.Meghna is a girl who is a quiet and a bit weird .likes to challenge death- runs ...

12.Meghna is among those few people who can never be known enough...

13.Meghna is a cool, sexy babe... ( i will buy this one ;) !!! )

14.Meghna is instrumental in bridging the divide between theLambanis in Hampi,

a lot of Rajasthan, the bylanes of Goa...

15.Meghna is supposed to direct Jhamu Sugandh's next movie....

16.Meghna is an actor to watch out for....

17.Meghna is quite lovely & we hope to see more girls like her break into the

international modelling scene.

Meghna’s list ( 100 things about me)

2006-03-16T17:02:00.001+05:30

I'm just an ordinary gal in search of the perfect handbag and shoe to match. Here's my list...

1. I always thought my name was not very good.I longed to be called Saiba – which translates into Darling in Goan. I have come to love my name courtesy some one special :) he makes it sound like the most amazing name on the face of earth.

2. I have good word for everyone. Its rare that I do a turn around on that side of my character.

3. My favorite food is ice cream.

4. Chocolate chip ice cream, vanilla ice cream with strawberries – sinful!!!

5. I'm creative.

6. I'm also analytical.

7. I know that is a contradiction. It drives me nuts sometimes. I am a walking talking oxy-moron. Love this word.

8. I'm an information junkie.

9. I'm proud of this!

10. My personal philosophy involves serving others.

11. One of my gifts is seeing word and number patterns easily.

12. This makes me good at Scrabble.

13. I'm an avid reader.

14. No kidding! Stop laughing! I do manage to find time

15. I have a "thing" for paint and glass. I love them! Gives me a chance to be messy. I am very clean person otherwise. Routine is boring!!!

16. Some women shop for clothes, I shop for shoes …and clothes. Stop rolling your eyes!

17. I love taking long walks... especially in the rain.

18. I like to… sorry make that - love to eat!!! Surprisingly, I'm not overweight.Don't hate me

19. Love sleeping- eyes open or not!

20. I refuse to go to movie theaters alone. It gets scarey. Plus I want someone next to me to pass weird comments with ;)

21. There's something about being in crowds that I don't care for.

22. I have a paralyzing fear of getting lost. But then again I am the adventurous sort. Might just be something I’v always wanted subconsciously.

23. ……Or being separated when out with friends.

24. I believe silence is golden! Give me a book and you will know what I am talking about.

25. I've been called a traditionalist. hehhehehe! Come read my deep innermost thoughts people.

26. I have lots of things going on in my mind but most times find it difficult to express myself.

27. I wish I was a better writer.

28. Communicating verbally is sometimes difficult for me. My brain and mouth do not work in co-ordination with each other.

29. I prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate with a tall glass of milk. Actually I will take it in any way / any form

30. It breaks my heart to see children unattended!

31. I cherish my friends.

32. I'm a worrier.

33. But have no gray hair or wrinkles ( though a microscope might reveal otherwise) or worry lines on the forehead.

34. I'm not afraid of the dark. Ghosts enthrall me.

35. I don't bullshit people regarding things I know nothing about. I would rather stand up and say I don’t know and be laughed at then make a total fool of myself by proclaiming I do when I don’t .

36. I consider myself an independent thinker.

37. I deal with depression alone, but then again, who doesn't?

38. Sometimes I think there are too many hours in a day, and sometimes I think there's not enough.

39. Rap music isn't my cup of tea. Songs I cannot follow or hum along are out!

40. Everyday should be your birthday.

41. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t want to change anything about me.

42. Will anyone actually read this list? If anyone does read it, will they care?

43. I often wonder if I'm making a difference, or an impact in this world. I try my best though!

44. I consider myself an accepting and progressive individual.

45. I'm running out of things here.

46. Black is my favorite color.

47. My feet are always cold. They would have been an Eskimos’ in their previous birth. They are frozen solid every single time I touch them. The rest of me feels very hot no matter what time of the year. I have to have the fan / a.c on.

48. I think the word "basically" is way overused! I don’t like people who use it out of context.

49. My fingernails are strong. Very tough to cut them with a nail cutter. My toenails are brittle!

50. Holding anyone’s hand without or with a reason is a wonderful moment.

51. I was born on the 26th of January 1982. Stop Sniggering I am not that old! My date of birth is something I am proud of. My country became a sovereign republic that day. I love my counrty. Wouldn't trade my citizenship for even Australia or a place on the Moon.

52. I have 16 (overweight) cats. Stop falling off your chair every other minute! My neighbours and I take care of them.

53. My favorite color is black and sometimes blue for reasons only a certain someone knows. He also knows why I like pink and white stripes on a garment

54. I enjoy watching sports – cricket & football mostly.

55. People should be valued for what is on the inside, not for what is on the outside.

56. I love an adventure and a challenge.

57. I can operate on 5 hours of sleep a night.

58. I believe children hold the key to the future.

59. I love the Movies

60. Integrity means a lot to me.

61. I have faith in the goodness of people.

62. I'm an optimist most of the time.

63. Some days I'm pessimistic, but it doesn't take long for me to snap out of it.

64. Theory will always clash with common sense.

65. I'm a terrific speller. I watch the spelling bee international championships and do manage to get a lot of the words right.

66. I've danced in an over crowded disc, almost stood on top of my partners feet, and I've slept in beautiful solitude under the crisp open sky. In an ironic way, both experiences compliment the other.

67. I'm a shoe person. I loveeeeeeeeee them… my shoerack is overflowing I wish my wardrobe was.

68. I'm a certifiable chocoholic.

69. Certifiable choco-alcoholic, I love the liquor chocs my friends mom makes . out of the world.

70. I only consume some of the finest chocolate made by man (thanks to my friends and cousins who live abroad).

71. Chocolate is my weak spot (I think this is obvious now).

72. I truly live life to the fullest every day!

73. I treat people the way I want to be treated. Never do unto others what you don’t want done to you is my mantra for life

74. I enjoy traveling – to and fro between home and work ;) no freedom for anything else. I want to be free someday!

75. My philosophy about luggage is: Never take more than I can carry! And that is not much ;)

76. My collection of books is mostly a mixed and crazy assortment.i don’t know how a Mills & Boons one landed there. Someone must have left it at my place. I hate the book. Too predictable!!!

77. I love chocolates and pizzas …I eat them by the packages (no need to have ½ open packages laying around for others to eat).

78. Surprisingly, I'm not overweight.OK! i should stop pushing my luck!

79. I would rather be a driver than a passenger.80. I am truly thankful for every day.

80. I suffer from STM- short term memory. Such a show off! Psychology was one of my majors.

81. I have a passion for words! Love the way the some words roll out of my mouth. I love the fact that I can transcribe words the way the Oxford Dictionary does. Those wierd symbols you see next to the actual word in english are Phonemes.

82. It's the small things in life that matter to me, like a smile.

83. I love to smile. I love to flaunt the deep dimples that accompany them. I love my mom for giving them to me. I love my entire family as well :) Every one of us has a dimple or a pair of them, I have the most - 6 in all :D

84. To me Quality is more important than quantity.

85. …which is why I'm ending on #85.

86. Wow, I'm on #86 already. Never thought I would make it this far.

87. I told you I suffered from STM. Should have stopped at # 85 but did not. I forgot ;)

2006-03-16T11:13:00.000+05:30

Mooning from afar....

Sitting by the big open window of a mini luxury bus, i decide to take in the sights of the city that I have come to love. Its around 7 o' clock in the evening and I see the local people all headed homewards to settle down for the day.

My eyes wander around casually as I look for a familiar face. It helps when you have to travel long distances. The silence is deafening. Being a regular traveller at peak hours, has helped me block out the incessant noise of the vehicles whizzing past the bus. Aimlessly my eyes dart here and there at an occassional bill board, a traffic light - waiting for the ticking seconds to hit ' 0 ' so we can move, a weary cop waiting to rush home after a long day of gathering dust and money ;)

My companion on such trips is my cell phone. It seems to have deserted me as well. The blank dark screen stares back at me as I hope for a ray of light to wink back at me. I sigh! I take out my camera and decide to have a shot at something in the line of vision. I look high and low for a good subject stationary or moving. I shoot some building and short skylines that would be dwarfed by the ones in NY. When the bus stops for more passengers, I manage to shoot pictures of people huddled under the bus stand to avoid the dust thats being sprayed around everytime a large vehicle or gust of wind goes their way.

I am blinded for a moment and then when I looked up I saw him. I rubbed my eyes to be sure that this wasn't another dream. It took a pinch and some more staring to make me believe that this gorgeous creature was actually looking at me. Dazzling in all his (k)night-in-shining-armour he seemed to have eyes only for me. I tried to break away from the trance he held me in. I tried real hard to stop staring at him but I could not resist.

Seems like the two of us were in the same boat. I found him following me. What a feeling! I was thrilled to bits.

An occasional building or tree would come in the middle but I found the two of us peering on either side of the obstruction just so the view would not be obstructed. I smiled coyly. He beamed right back at me.

Our eyes did most of the talking, given the distance between us. I wanted, desperately to capture his beauty in my lens, but would he be mortified. Would he sue me! To the eyes of the untrained, he would seem a not so unsual part of the woodwork. To me he was something more. So etheral so mystifying. I wonder what lay behind all that brilliance that was him.

He followed me all the way home. His watchful eyes followed me like that of a pocessive boy friend. I was pleased. I looked up and I saw my reflection in his eyes. I was doubly thrilled!

The moon was in love with me as much I was with him!

2006-03-01T14:18:00.000+05:30

The soothing sound resonates through my being. I hear it repetitively. Calmness engulfs me as I let myself be taken away into a world I never saw myself venturing into.

Life has fallen apart.

I remember that repeating this to myself over and over again not so long ago. This habit of repetition came to me along with a set of dimples, a nice tiny nose and a bad temper amongst other things, courtesy my genes.

Who would have thought that I, of all the people, when at the threshold of my life would just give it all up and don a robe and a mala and make that long journey into the frozen lap of the Himalayas. And this, because of a man whom, I promised myself, I wouldn’t let to get to me.

I brushed off allegations that he was seeing another woman. If I believed everyone so easily why was he to be spared the special treatment.

Nut case they christened me. But hey! I loved the man.

My inability to see it coming stemmed from the fact that I was too drowned in work to have a look at the tabloids. The ink used to fill the papers were extracts from the juicy gossip being spread by the jobless mongers. Jobless Jacobi’s is what we call them – mom and I. Apt! And this was all about the man around whom my life revolved and the woman around who’s his revolved. Unfortunately I was not the woman.

Maybe if he did know I exist perhaps I would be- I think to myself grinning at the foolishness of it all. “Star Struck” should be stamped all across my forehead. I walk with his flag draped all over me. His name never left my lips except maybe when I had to breathe and between mouthfuls of my food.

Sigh! Let bygones be bygones. One fine day the world deemed it right to get him married off to this ice cold, wait make that stone-cold (doesn’t it remind you of some WWF Star?) maiden. Old witch I’d rather say. How can the whole world be so ruthless?

Rumors afloat, my man steers his boat carefully and throws in an occasional “No we are just friends” at hungry sharks, who snap and bite at it eagerly. He wants to maintain a clean picture for himself. But the media sharks won’t let him remain the God of all that’s good and picture perfect for long.

And why should they? For once they’d smelt blood and a good kill it was. Not far after this was splashed all over, he tied the knot with her.

Hell freezeth over! The term just came alive, literally. So cold, that I made way to the Himalayas and have been there for quite sometime now. I have learnt not to scoff at what astrologers have to say after reading ones horoscopes. Dad must be mighty pleased.

Atleast someone’s happy!

The icy cold silence continues to stab at my robe clad being and I am kept alive only by the warmth of the mantra I seem to be chanting endlessly, like an automated machine gone awry.

2006-02-28T16:18:00.000+05:30

I have been sitting here and twirling a stray strand of hair between my fingers. quite fed up of running them endlessly on the keyboard. I feel like a good long walk on a beach but ..... a big fat but...I live in bangalore... where walking on a beach toh dooor dooor bahut dooor ki baath he pavement pe bhi nahin chal sakthe. the roads are clogged and this pattern has moved onto the pavements as well. I have often found myself jumpinf into those tiny and thankfully dry drains that run in front of most houses, under the area between the gate and the road. funny sight I am telling you. Hauling two bags and managing to maintain my modesty at the same time with the balancing act thrown in as the last straw was but is no longer a big deal. I have been mastering the art for two months now. Kudos to my ilk :) when will the flyover ever be completed? God alone ... sorry! the government and all the babus and their middlemen only know.